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I love my father and still often think of him. I am the first born in my whole family network. My dad loved me as the first born and was always proud of me for my accomplishments. Everyone knows that I have my father’s personality. Sometimes, that is a compliment because my dad was a very charming and popular businessman and an active member in the labour union. I was just the same when I was studying at school and later working in Taiwan. I was very active in the student unions and clubs when I was at school.
My father and I admired each other because we were so similar. We were both very proud and stubborn as well. Once we had our mind set, we simply would go ahead and never look back. We, however, bucked head often, especially, about his business decision. He was not a very careful businessman. In a traditional Chinese family, no matter how resentful we were about his frivolous attitude, we could not openly express our disagreement towards him, the elder! Although I bear the resemblance, I never want to be like him. He brought us too much unnecessary pain throughout the years due to his poor business decisions.
My father was 49 when he got sick with cancer. My mother gave up her business to take care of him full time. I was working for a convention organizer during the daytime and teaching English at Fu Jen University Continuing Education Department in the evening. Luckily, all my siblings were all grown up and were able to sustain basic financial situation. After the thyroid cancer operation, my father was sent home paralyzed from the neck down due to the spread of his cancer. The doctor told me that my father was “lucky” to have cancer that could be operated; however, the cancer had gotten into his spine and damaged his neuron-system. I was told on the day he was released from the hospital to take him home and let him enjoy his life with a “better living standard”. Basically, the doctor implied that his living days would not be too long and he would be disabled for the rest of his life.
Against all odds, my father lived for another 7 years. He was very alive but discouraged. It was not easy for anybody, especially for a proud man like him. I had planned to come to Canada before he got sick. I kept delaying the departure date due to my father’s health condition. I questioned myself about my decision to leave and I did not have the heart to tell my parents about the final plan. My father did not disagree with my plan when I finally revealed my decision to him. I remember that he just asked me subtly why I couldn’t just find a boy friend in Taiwan. He said, “You are involved in so many activities and have so many “boy” friends, why can’t you just find someone local in Taiwan?” Deep down in my heart, I knew he did not want me to leave, but he did not want me to change my plan because of him either. He had never asked me not to leave. In fact, if he did ask me then, I probably would never make it to Canada.
It’s our family trait that we do not give up easily. I had wonderful jobs in Taiwan. For a single career woman, I was able to maintain substantial income standard. To leave the country, I had to give them all up. I could understand my parents’ concerns about giving up my career there. Meanwhile, my siblings were quite disappointed with me leaving the family behind as well. They knew that I sooner or later had to get married; however, they resented my decision to leave Taiwan. So, I left home under the circumstances like that.
I made a decision to leave, so I had no right to make people I love worry about me. I could not let my father and my family down. There was a new life ahead of me that I had to explore and re-establish in Canada. It is not always easy to adjust to a new marriage, let alone a new marriage in a foreign land. I could not and would not allow myself to call home to complain about my obstacles in life. Whenever I called home, it had to be cheerful and positive. I told myself that I had to make things work because I could not look back and call home for help. I told myself that I could always bail out if the marriage did not work out, but I should never reveal my struggle to my family! Luckily, my husband appreciates the sacrifice I have made for him over the years. I can always count on him for his support.
In August 1993, I got the phone call from my brother, and I flew back to Taiwan as soon as I got the ticket. My brother told me on the phone that my father was hanging on to his last breath because he was waiting for me to get back to his side. I did not make it! I was late by one hour and never got to say goodbye to him. He passed away on the eve of August Moon Festival in 1993 at the prime age of 56. I miss my father terribly, and I know I would never forgive myself!
樹欲靜而風不止、子欲養而親不在!
My father and I admired each other because we were so similar. We were both very proud and stubborn as well. Once we had our mind set, we simply would go ahead and never look back. We, however, bucked head often, especially, about his business decision. He was not a very careful businessman. In a traditional Chinese family, no matter how resentful we were about his frivolous attitude, we could not openly express our disagreement towards him, the elder! Although I bear the resemblance, I never want to be like him. He brought us too much unnecessary pain throughout the years due to his poor business decisions.
My father was 49 when he got sick with cancer. My mother gave up her business to take care of him full time. I was working for a convention organizer during the daytime and teaching English at Fu Jen University Continuing Education Department in the evening. Luckily, all my siblings were all grown up and were able to sustain basic financial situation. After the thyroid cancer operation, my father was sent home paralyzed from the neck down due to the spread of his cancer. The doctor told me that my father was “lucky” to have cancer that could be operated; however, the cancer had gotten into his spine and damaged his neuron-system. I was told on the day he was released from the hospital to take him home and let him enjoy his life with a “better living standard”. Basically, the doctor implied that his living days would not be too long and he would be disabled for the rest of his life.
Against all odds, my father lived for another 7 years. He was very alive but discouraged. It was not easy for anybody, especially for a proud man like him. I had planned to come to Canada before he got sick. I kept delaying the departure date due to my father’s health condition. I questioned myself about my decision to leave and I did not have the heart to tell my parents about the final plan. My father did not disagree with my plan when I finally revealed my decision to him. I remember that he just asked me subtly why I couldn’t just find a boy friend in Taiwan. He said, “You are involved in so many activities and have so many “boy” friends, why can’t you just find someone local in Taiwan?” Deep down in my heart, I knew he did not want me to leave, but he did not want me to change my plan because of him either. He had never asked me not to leave. In fact, if he did ask me then, I probably would never make it to Canada.
It’s our family trait that we do not give up easily. I had wonderful jobs in Taiwan. For a single career woman, I was able to maintain substantial income standard. To leave the country, I had to give them all up. I could understand my parents’ concerns about giving up my career there. Meanwhile, my siblings were quite disappointed with me leaving the family behind as well. They knew that I sooner or later had to get married; however, they resented my decision to leave Taiwan. So, I left home under the circumstances like that.
I made a decision to leave, so I had no right to make people I love worry about me. I could not let my father and my family down. There was a new life ahead of me that I had to explore and re-establish in Canada. It is not always easy to adjust to a new marriage, let alone a new marriage in a foreign land. I could not and would not allow myself to call home to complain about my obstacles in life. Whenever I called home, it had to be cheerful and positive. I told myself that I had to make things work because I could not look back and call home for help. I told myself that I could always bail out if the marriage did not work out, but I should never reveal my struggle to my family! Luckily, my husband appreciates the sacrifice I have made for him over the years. I can always count on him for his support.
In August 1993, I got the phone call from my brother, and I flew back to Taiwan as soon as I got the ticket. My brother told me on the phone that my father was hanging on to his last breath because he was waiting for me to get back to his side. I did not make it! I was late by one hour and never got to say goodbye to him. He passed away on the eve of August Moon Festival in 1993 at the prime age of 56. I miss my father terribly, and I know I would never forgive myself!
樹欲靜而風不止、子欲養而親不在!
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