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I have a bad habit.
Sometimes I would like to stare blank into the empty air like I was lost with thoughts. I often do that to reflect on a moment of my life experiences; the decision I made, words I said, messages I wrote, or the people I came across. This kind of reflection exercise could happen so instantaneously or spontaneously like a day dreaming session. I often call this my meditation moment. Da-Pong used to ask me, “Hey, what are you staring at? What thoughts are going through your little head right now? I almost can hear the ding, ding, ding in your head!”
I like to reflect on my past. There are so many moments in life that we have to make an important decision without knowing what the outcome will lead us or what the future will hold. Now, looking back on those experiences, we can finally reflect on the paths that we took with a different sentiment and critically analyze whether we had made the right or wrong decisions. We could honestly look back on the crossroads we took without any further consequences.
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A Decision on Career Choice
I remember when I was in senior high school; my career decision was either to become a Catholic nun or a career soldier. Why? I don’t know. I guess I was not able to help others with the financial means I had, so I was naive enough to believe that those two career choices would be ideal ways to help others, like what Mother Teresa or some of those military heroes did. To begin with, I was not even Catholic! (Ha Ha.) And, I was certainly not ready to commit myself to a religion that I was not familiar with. So, that was the end of my stupidity.
Taiwan’s military universities used to admit students with perfect vision only, but I have had myopia (nearsighted vision) ever since junior high. So, throughout my senior high school years, I went to my friend’s father, who was a medical doctor, for acupuncture treatments, in hope that I could regain my perfect vision and be accepted for the military university right below the mountain of Fu Shin Gong in Bei Tou. I was so eager to enter the military training that I participated in the target shooting team and even won a gold medal. I went to a military cadet camp in the summer. (The TV show Fear Factor was just a piece of cake.) I was even planning to write in my high school yearbook: I’d either join the military or get married right after high school. (It’s a pun because those two words, “military” and “husband”, sound the same in Chinese.) Now, thinking back, I was nuts!
I had great recommendations from all my high school military education teachers, but I never got my perfect vision back. What a pity! I could be a really good Catholic nun because I have great compassion and enjoy helping people. I could be a perfect soldier as well because my patriotic belief was certainly strong enough to endure all the hardships. I did all the right things in my power to pursue my dream, but all in vain.
Now, looking back, was it really my loss, or their loss? Would I be happy with the choice that I was ready to make? The good thing is that I have no regrets for all the things I did in the process of preparing for that crossroad. I still respect those people who once helped me to pursue my dreams and the friends who encouraged me to go through that process. I didn’t live up to their and my expectations, but at least, I can proclaim that I lived through those exciting and adventurous experiences with No Regrets.
To Be Continued…
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