close
One of my best friends, FY, just came back from Taiwan. She told me that it is extremely hot in Taiwan. Originally, she was planning to stay in Taiwan for half a year, but now she has changed her mind. I am glad she has decided to come back to Canada, or I would have missed her dearly. I met FY about 14 years ago when her youngest son was in my Chinese class. Later on, she became my teaching assistant for that multi-leveled class. She has been a great friend who looks after me and treats me like a family member. FY is the one who encouraged me to write about her immigration story. I don’t think her immigration experience is one of those typical stories, but it certainly is a valuable lesson for many who are planning to move to a new country.
Before FY received her paper of landing from Canadian Immigration Office, she sent her oldest son with her neighbor’s daughter to study in Canada. FY persuaded her neighbors to send their daughter who was a few years older than her son to come along. They could keep each other company, she thought. First, they stayed with FY’s sister for a while. Then they were arranged to stay with a friend’s family. Apparently, FY’s sister had known this friend for over 20 years. The friend and her husband both came from Taiwan asvwell and each has a PhD degree from a reputable university here in Canada. FY trusted this kind of connection and agreed to pay the family a significant amount of monthly payment for her children’s room and board.
Both teenagers were in the early years of high school. FY thought she was giving her son the best education she could have ever offered to him. She was really concerned that her oldest son would not be able to do well for the high school and university exams in Taiwan. She wanted him to have more opportunities in education. Meanwhile, she had invested $250,000 Canadian dollars on investment funds through an immigration and investment company in western Canada in order to immigrate to Canada as an investor immigrant.
Unfortunately, FY happened to send her children to someone who was not too concerned about the children’s well-being. The friend (the home-stay mother) in fact set up a “house chores” schedule for the two teenagers everyday. Those were not ordinary house chores like cleaning up their own room or helping out in the kitchen. It was actually a full cooking and cleaning schedule for the two youngsters. Instead of helping out, they had to take turns to cook and clean for the whole family! It is like modern day child labor. (Gee, can I order a few of those?) FY came to visit her son one day and discovered that the two young teenagers were living in a room in the basement without windows and the chores they had to do in the house. She was so deeply hurt and immediately made a decision to rent an apartment and move the children out of the house.
FY’s daughter was ready to go to middle school by then. So, FY and her husband had to make a quick decision to leave her husband behind in Taiwan and moved the whole family to Canada as soon as she got the immigration paper. Her husband continued to work in Taiwan till a few years ago after his retirement from the government job. In Canada we sometimes call this kind of family arrangement, the “astronaut” family; i.e., one parent stays behind in Taiwan to work and sends money to support the family overseas while the other parent lives with the children. The parent who stays behind usually has to fly back and forth between two countries to be with the family a few times a year. Or, the parents leave the children with another family and they fly back and forth to visit the children.
There are so many “astronaut” families here in North America. It’s all because parents want their children to have more opportunities in life, but at what cost? Many families fall apart because of this kind of family arrangement. Some families encounter marital affairs and marriage crisis because of the absent spouses. Some children go astray because their parents are not here with them all the time. Children need to grow up with their family under the care of their own family (either parent or parents).
I don’t encourage parents to send their young children here alone to live by themselves or to live with another family even though most of the home-stay guardians are loving caring people and have been recommended by the immigration consulting companies. In my view, some family life experiences simply can not be replaced by hired hands. Parenting is one of them! Children need the love and care from their own parents who live under the same roof. No one else can provide the same love to the children other than the children’s own flesh and blood parents if they are around. Kids only grow up once. It is not right to rid them the first hand love and care they are supposed to receive from their own parents.
These "astronaut" stories are different from those single parent families who simply do not have the options of having both parents together. On the contrary, in many of these cases, those parents send the children to live with somebody else, which means they have hired somebody to care for their children. If we could simply find replacement for parents, we wouldn’t have to worry about so many family and social problems caused by the breakdowns of the family.
FY’s has a supportive husband and her family was lucky to pull through over the years. Her older son, who did not do well in Taiwan, still had the same academic issues here in Canada. At least, he had great leadership and inter-personal skills that made him very popular among his peers here. The leadership skill is something that is greatly valued here but probably dismissed by many in Taiwan if the child does not have substantial academic achievement. I don’t think he would be treated the same if he were schooled in Taiwan. He graduated from a local college, but he eventually went back to university after working for a few years and a bit of growing up on his own. I think he turned out all right. Both the younger daughter and younger son have performed exceedingly well at school and are currently working on their post graduate degrees.
FY and her husband’s sacrifice for the family are finally paid off! Unfortunately, her husband was absent most of the time from the children’s childhood. He had missed so many opportunities to be involved in their school life and to see them grow up. All the soccer games, school plays and piano recitals he had missed! Now the kids are all grown up. It is impossible for him to relive those precious experiences as a parent.
To be continued…
Before FY received her paper of landing from Canadian Immigration Office, she sent her oldest son with her neighbor’s daughter to study in Canada. FY persuaded her neighbors to send their daughter who was a few years older than her son to come along. They could keep each other company, she thought. First, they stayed with FY’s sister for a while. Then they were arranged to stay with a friend’s family. Apparently, FY’s sister had known this friend for over 20 years. The friend and her husband both came from Taiwan asvwell and each has a PhD degree from a reputable university here in Canada. FY trusted this kind of connection and agreed to pay the family a significant amount of monthly payment for her children’s room and board.
Both teenagers were in the early years of high school. FY thought she was giving her son the best education she could have ever offered to him. She was really concerned that her oldest son would not be able to do well for the high school and university exams in Taiwan. She wanted him to have more opportunities in education. Meanwhile, she had invested $250,000 Canadian dollars on investment funds through an immigration and investment company in western Canada in order to immigrate to Canada as an investor immigrant.
Unfortunately, FY happened to send her children to someone who was not too concerned about the children’s well-being. The friend (the home-stay mother) in fact set up a “house chores” schedule for the two teenagers everyday. Those were not ordinary house chores like cleaning up their own room or helping out in the kitchen. It was actually a full cooking and cleaning schedule for the two youngsters. Instead of helping out, they had to take turns to cook and clean for the whole family! It is like modern day child labor. (Gee, can I order a few of those?) FY came to visit her son one day and discovered that the two young teenagers were living in a room in the basement without windows and the chores they had to do in the house. She was so deeply hurt and immediately made a decision to rent an apartment and move the children out of the house.
FY’s daughter was ready to go to middle school by then. So, FY and her husband had to make a quick decision to leave her husband behind in Taiwan and moved the whole family to Canada as soon as she got the immigration paper. Her husband continued to work in Taiwan till a few years ago after his retirement from the government job. In Canada we sometimes call this kind of family arrangement, the “astronaut” family; i.e., one parent stays behind in Taiwan to work and sends money to support the family overseas while the other parent lives with the children. The parent who stays behind usually has to fly back and forth between two countries to be with the family a few times a year. Or, the parents leave the children with another family and they fly back and forth to visit the children.
There are so many “astronaut” families here in North America. It’s all because parents want their children to have more opportunities in life, but at what cost? Many families fall apart because of this kind of family arrangement. Some families encounter marital affairs and marriage crisis because of the absent spouses. Some children go astray because their parents are not here with them all the time. Children need to grow up with their family under the care of their own family (either parent or parents).
I don’t encourage parents to send their young children here alone to live by themselves or to live with another family even though most of the home-stay guardians are loving caring people and have been recommended by the immigration consulting companies. In my view, some family life experiences simply can not be replaced by hired hands. Parenting is one of them! Children need the love and care from their own parents who live under the same roof. No one else can provide the same love to the children other than the children’s own flesh and blood parents if they are around. Kids only grow up once. It is not right to rid them the first hand love and care they are supposed to receive from their own parents.
These "astronaut" stories are different from those single parent families who simply do not have the options of having both parents together. On the contrary, in many of these cases, those parents send the children to live with somebody else, which means they have hired somebody to care for their children. If we could simply find replacement for parents, we wouldn’t have to worry about so many family and social problems caused by the breakdowns of the family.
FY’s has a supportive husband and her family was lucky to pull through over the years. Her older son, who did not do well in Taiwan, still had the same academic issues here in Canada. At least, he had great leadership and inter-personal skills that made him very popular among his peers here. The leadership skill is something that is greatly valued here but probably dismissed by many in Taiwan if the child does not have substantial academic achievement. I don’t think he would be treated the same if he were schooled in Taiwan. He graduated from a local college, but he eventually went back to university after working for a few years and a bit of growing up on his own. I think he turned out all right. Both the younger daughter and younger son have performed exceedingly well at school and are currently working on their post graduate degrees.
FY and her husband’s sacrifice for the family are finally paid off! Unfortunately, her husband was absent most of the time from the children’s childhood. He had missed so many opportunities to be involved in their school life and to see them grow up. All the soccer games, school plays and piano recitals he had missed! Now the kids are all grown up. It is impossible for him to relive those precious experiences as a parent.
To be continued…
全站熱搜
留言列表
